The Worst of Times
by Tiny tine 98
Summary: Katniss' life before the reaping. Sorry, not much Peeta because this was before she knew him. Don't own any of these charaacters, reveiw and tell me what YOU would like to read about.
1. Chapter 1

The loud, wet rain pounds the metal roof of my house. I watch from a hard wooden chair as the streaks of water fall on my windowsill. I should be at school, not home doing this. Our week of no school due to my fathers death was over. I walked Prim to class, but not before she cried and begged me to stay home the whole walk to school. She walked into her classroom with tears running down her cheeks, but I wasn't brave enough to do the same. I simply walked back home the way I came, and was surprised when the peacekeepers didn't escort me back. I feel like a huge hypocrite, because I forced my crying little sister, who I love more than anything in the world, and I cant even go to school myself.

My mother hasn't spoken for two weeks. She just lays in bed, doesn't get up unless she has to use the bathroom. we have to put food and water on the floor next to her bed that she takes small bites and sips of. We have tried everything to make her get up, from screaming in her ear to trying to roll her dead weight of a body out of bed. we have 50$ left of the 100$ the district gave us. Mother was supposed to get a job, but ever since we have come back from his memorial at the justice building, she has been laying in that bed. I gave up a couple of days ago, and just leave the food next to her. Prim, on the other hand, cries on her bedside every night for her to please get up. She sleeps next to her every night, although I wouldn't call it sleeping on my mothers part. she just lays with her eyes open. Its actually really creepy. I sleep by myself, which actually works out fine because I have nightmares every night and fall out of bed. Sometimes, on particularly stressful days or nights, I wet the bed too.

I decide, since I am not going back to school, to find out how much food we have left. After searching all of the cupboards, we have a bag of roasted nuts, a few apples, most of which are rotten, some cans of soup, and a small bag of crackers. Well ,that's a disappointment. We need a lot more food than I thought we did. I should go to the market right now, but if I get caught out of class I will be in a lot of trouble. The only place to go would be the Hob, but I'm way to scared to go in there alone. I guess I'll go when Prim gets home from school. Until then, I decide I should clean up the house and wash some clothes, since there has been nobody to do it. When its time to pick my little sister up from school. Out of force of habit, I lock the door behind me without the key in my pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

I took the back way to school by cutting through peoples yards and walking behind the square. I get there right when the bell rings, and wait for all the anxious kids to get out the door. Prim always waits at her desk for me. But today, she walks up to me with a scowl on her face. "Why aren't you waiting at your desk?" I ask, but I can tell she know I wasn't at school today. " Where were you? You left your homework in my backpack, and I walked to your class to give it to you, and your teacher said you were absent today. She even asked me if you were sick! How could you make me go, and then not go yourself?" she yells at me as she burst into tears. I feel horrible, I knew I should have stayed at school today. " Prim, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't go. I cried the whole way home, and I felt horrible leaving you here alone." " Then why did you?" she cries. she starts to take off, but I catch her hand and yank her back to me. "Ouch!" she screams. Now everyone is staring, and I can tell Prim is making a scene on purpose. She has never been mad at me before, at least not like this. " We will do this at home, not in front of everyone at school." I say in her ear as I take her hand and start to walk. But she decides to be stubborn and won't move. I give her the " What are you doing?" look, and she just frowns at me again. I bend down to her 7-year-old height and say "Look, I'm really sorry. I am. But we need to go before my teacher sees me here. we can talk on the way home, okay Prim?" She considers this for a while, then grabs my hand and starts to walk.

" You better not leave me again like that Katniss! After I found out you weren't here I cried in the bathroom all recess. One of my friends had to come get me when it was time for class." she says to me after I apologize. We pass the mines that my father worked at and find them still in repair. Prim puts her arms up to me and I carry her the rest of the way home. I can feel her tears soak through my shirt and I feel the lump in my throat that happens when I know she's in pain. She's a pretty small kid, smaller than most kids in her class, but I'm only about twenty pounds heavier. By the time we get to my door I'm breathing really hard, and my empty stomach isn't helping. Prim is asleep on my shoulder by the time I realize that I locked my door without bringing a key. "Mom, open the door, I locked myself out!" I say as I pound the door. I stop after about five minutes because I realize that my dead fish of a mother isn't going to get up. I walk to our downstairs window and I have to break the glass with a stick to open it. " Prim, wake up," I say as I sit her against the house. " We got locked out, so I have to crawl in the window. Stay here, I'll open the door from the inside in a second." I get my grip on the sides and slide my upper body in. But it rained all day, and my hand slips and I fall to the ground, about five feet below me. I know before I stand up that I cut my side on the leftover glass still attached to the broken window. but it isn't until I reach to grab the door to let prim in then I see the gash in my arm and the piece of glass sticking out of it. just as my little sister walks in, I yank the glass out of my flesh and promptly black out.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up when the bucket of water gets thrown on my face. I can barley hear Prim screaming at me, but all I see is the blood on my shirt, on my sleeve and on my side near my ribs. I force myself to sit, although pain shoots all over my body. I don't like blood. Or cuts. Or colds. Or coughs. but especially not blood. "Katniss, are you okay?" says Prim with an incredibly worried look on her face. " No, Hand me some towels." she comes back with some of the ones I just cleaned, thank goodness, and I go to work on wrapping my arm and ribs. hen the bleeding has finally stopped, I replace the towels with some bandages, but I think they might need stitches. I don't have the money for that! We hardly have enough as it is! If my mom would get up she could do it. she used to work at the apothecary shop with her parents, but moved here to the Seam with my father. I go to her bedside and put my face right into hers. " Do you know what you just put me through. Prim and I could have been stuck out there all night if we hadn't broken the window. And now, I could bleed to death. What are you doing! Get up! Your kids are starving. Prim cried all day at school, and I didn't even go! You might have given birth to me, but you will never be my mother!"

Just walking takes my energy away. Changing my clothes made my wounds re-open, and getting into bed is the worst pain I've ever experienced. Prim brings me hot soup and tea, and she nailed a blanket on the wall above the open window so the rain wouldn't get in. " Katniss, you shouldn't say that stuff to mom. Its not like she can't hear you." "Prim, she hasn't gotten out of bed in weeks. We are kids, she's the adult. We don't have to take care of her, she needs to take care of us." That silences her. She starts to crawl into bed with me, but I tell her she should sleep with her mother because I will just push her out of bed when the nightmares come.

I wake up on the floor. All my clothes are soaking wet. I find that its a mix of blood, rain water from the leak in the roof, sweat, and urine. I change my clothes, which hurts, and get Prim up because we are late for school. I make sure to grab my key this time. The walk to school takes a really long time because of how sore I am. I had to double up on shirts because I bled through my first one, and I have a jacket over the second. I walk Prim to class, but she watches me as I walk to mine because she's worried I'll leave again. My teacher stops talking when I walk in. " Why are you late, Miss Everdeen?" she asks. " I, um, woke up late. sorry." I mumble as I take my seat. " And where were you yesterday? Your sister seemed to think you were at school." Here it comes. Think of something, don't just stand there you idiot! I ay to myself. "My mother was sick. I walked Prim to school but I was too worried about my mom, so I went back home and forgot to tell her. " That seems to shut her up, for now. As I sit at my desk, the girl next to me whispers to me " Katniss, I think you're bleeding." and points down at the floor. a small puddle has formed. "um, yeah, I slipped on my way here." the bleeding stops for a few hours, and I finally think it may have stopped for good when we are excused for lunch. I'm about halfway there when I start to feel lightheaded. by the time I reach the cafeteria doors, I am holding on to the walls. My teacher must notice because she stops me from walking in to sit down. when she puts her hand to my side, she pulls it away bloody. Before she can say anything, I ask "may I please see the nurse? I think my cut is worse than I thought." she picks me up and runs me to the office.


	4. Chapter 4

My teacher opens the door into the office and shouts "Help, please! She's bleeding heavily!" The nurse escorts us to the health room where they lay me down on a small cot. " show my your wounds" demands the nurse. I lift up the right side of my shits so she can see the four inch cut on my ribs. right down to the bone, she informs me. I didn't know it was that bad. My arm is little better, not as deep, but the glass tore through a lot of muscle tissue. They make me take my shirts off so they can stich it up. " No, really, my mothers a healer, she can do it. Really. We don't have the money to do this." I beg. They force me down and say "It wont cost anything. Now stay down and awake." As hard as I try to follow their directions, I pass out when the first stich goes through my skin.

My clothes are still off when I wake up. Nobody is in the room, and the clock says its one-thirty. I look down at my bare chest to find nine stitches in it. My arm has six. They will ask how I hurt myself this bad, and why my mother didn't know. I have to work up some sort of alibi. Soon. I think I've just worked out a story to tell them when four people walk in. My teacher, the nurse, the principal, and Prim. Lie convincingly, I think to myself.

"How are you feeling?" asks the nurse. "better" I reply. Then my teacher speaks up. "We need to know what happened. You were hurt really badly, and we need to know why you didn't tell anybody." here goes nothing. "Yesterday my mom was very sick. I took care of her as best as I could, but she needed a real doctor. She is a good healer, but its hard to heal yourself. So when I came back to school yesterday to pick her up," I say, pointing to my pale sister " I told my mom to go to the apothecary shop. She left while I was gone, and I didn't bring my keys with me, so we were locked out. I broke a window to get in, and I fell through it and that's how I was cut. I knew it was bad but I didn't want to worry my mother, who was still gone, so I wrapped it up and tried to keep it clean. She was still gone this morning, which is why we were late, because she usually wakes us up. We were gong to check on her after school, and also see about me, but obviously it was too bad to wait any longer." I finish. Now its the principal's turn. "Why didn't you tell someone at school, or even come?" " I had already missed one day, and like I said, I didn't realize how bad they actually were. Can I please go home now? I need to tell my mother what's happened." Three pairs of eyes look at me unconvinced. the fourth just looks terrified. "Yes. I think she can. Stay home tomorrow as well, you need to rest. " Come on, Prim. Lets go home."

I sleep for a long time. A long, restful sleep. No nightmares, pain, or wetting. When I wake up the rain has stopped, and the last evening rays of sun are streaming through the upstairs window. I can see prim downstairs, doing homework at the kitchen table. the sun reflects off her white blonde hair. How different she is from the rest of us in the Seam. Her and my mother, with their light hair and blue eyes. And now that my father is dead, I'm the one in the house who looks different, with my dark hair and grey eyes. I'm proud to look like him though. I don't know I'm even crying until one of my tears rolls down into the wound in my arm and stings. I cry for my father, I cry for my mother, even myself, but mostly for Prim. She needed a mother more than I did. So I cry for the lost chance that might have been something wonderful.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks go by in a blur. Prim and I spent the last of the money a few days ago on food, but that's long gone. My stitches are healing, but very slowly. They are supposed to be taken out soon by my mother, but I know I will have to do it myself and I dread it. I haven't eaten in about a week because I gave the last of the food to Prim, and its been four days since then. I need to go to the Market and sell the things we don't need. I ask prim to help me with lifting things, although I don't know if anything will be lifted with a 7 and 11 year old, both of whom are starving. we manage to get down a box of Prim's baby clothes and some antiques my mother and father collected together. An old fishing pole, a lamp, some curtains, and a small blue box with a handle that my dad called a cooler. We walk to the market and ell most of the antiques. but back home when I am taking the money out of my pocket it falls into the fire.

Prim is home sick today, probably because its been two weeks without food. I can feel myself fading away. and I know that we will die if we don't get food soon. I am determined to feed us, and I do not want Prim and I to end up in the community home. I take one last shot at selling the baby clothes, but nobody wants them. I walk through the richer part of town, trying to find someone to buy them, without even realizing I dropped them in puddle like and hour ago. The smell of the bakers stops me. I am desperate enough to even look in the trash cans, but it was empty. I heard a scream from the back door and saw the bakers wife run out and shoo me away, saying she was so sic of kids pawing through her garbage and she was going to call the peacekeepers if I didn't leave now. She went back inside, and I slid down a tree trunk onto the muddy ground, soaking my pants and lower shirt. We were going to die. Prim might be dead at home already, so I better just sit here and die too. "Here I come, dad" I whisper to myself. Just then, I heard the woman scream again and scold someone, likely one of her three sons. I'm correct because seconds later the door opens and a young boy with blonde hair runs to their pig trough with burnt bread in his hands. His mother is screaming at him to give it to the pigs and get back inside, and she closes the door behind her. The boy rips the burnt ends off and threw them to the dirty animals. Then, to my enormous surprise, he looks at me and tosses both pieces of bread to me and runs back inside. before his witch of a mother came back out I grabbed the loaves and ran home.

Prim was sitting at the table when I run in, sees them in my hands and she reaches for them like an animal. "No" I tell her harshly. "get mother, we are eating together tonight." I am surprised when she actually sits down next to me, like she is ready to eat. Its the first time she had gotten up since my fathers death. I slice the bread very carefully and we eat one whole loaf before I tell them we needed to stop, to save some for tomorrow. But before my mom can go crawl back into bed, I grab her hand and take her upstairs to the loft where my bed is. she seems really confused, but I get her attention when I lift my shirt and she sees the stiches. "take them out " I order. she does, and its horrible, but when its done I feel much better. "Thank you. Go kiss Prim goodnight." she tries to kiss me too, but I dodge it and push her away from me.


	6. Chapter 6

I slept incredibly last night. Finally having food in my system makes me feel amazing. Prim is getting some color back I her face, and is able to climb the ladder the loft again. When I climb downstairs, I find Prim still asleep on our mothers bed, however she is absent. The rest of the bread it cut for us, and that's when I see her fixing the broken window outside. "Good morning, Katniss. Have some breakfast and I'll walk you to school. Don't forget to wake up your sister." I stand there, speechless. She's, she's back to normal. Like nothing ever happened. I want to go to her, hug her and cry and thank her for coming back, but I won't. After what that woman put me through, I will never go back to her. I set my jaw tight and decide to be a stubborn 11-year-old and never forgive her for what she did to us. I feel the grudge settle in my heart and know it will stay.

Prim ran outside the moment she saw her. My mother held her while she cried and cried and cried. I sat inside, and I could feel her staring at me, willing me to come hug her as well. I eat my bread and save a couple pieces for lunch. Grabbing my bag, I slide out the door. I'm halfway to school when I hear Prim, " Katniss, wait up. wait for me." I can hear her heavy backpack bounce off of her as she gets close to me. " Why didn't you wait for me and mommy?" she questions. Knowing how happy Prim is to have her back, I'm not going to spoil that joy .Just because I won't accept her back, doesn't mean she doesn't have to, right? " I, um, need to turn in missing homework, so I wanted to get there early." I lie. Prim knows it too, I can tell by the look on her face. But it doesn't seem to bother her because she grabs my hand and we walk the rest of the way to school like that.

I have pretty normal day after that, except I see the boy with the bread everywhere I go. I catch him staring at me every time I change classes, at lunch. When the day is over and Prim and I are walking across the schoolyard, I see the boy with the bread staring at me. When he catches me looking back at him, he drops his gaze. I do too, feeling embarassed. I look down at my feet and I see a small yellow dandelion. Thats when I start to run.

"Why are we picking all these flowers?" Prim questions as we are bent on our knees in the medow, a large field next to my house. "Because we can eat them. Mom and Dad and I used to have these all the time before you were born. Then whe you came, he got a raise in the mines because he had another kid, and we didnt need to pick them anymore." I explain to my curious sister. "But, these are weeds. Mother picks them when they grow in the garden" she protests. "Well, now we are going to eat them." When we have picked every flower in sight, we head home for dinner.

When we get inside the house, I give Prim both buckets and head upstairs to the loft to wash up. I dont come down until my sister summons me to come eat. I start to walk back upstairs with me food, not wanting to eat with my mother, when she stops me. "Katniss, comee eat at the table." I look straight at her, right into her blue eyes. My grey ones must remind her of my father because she looks down and says "Now" very sharply. I walk closer to her, and say very simply, "No." then I walk back upstairs to finish my food in peace.


	7. Chapter 7

I am bringing my clean plate downstairs when my mother tells me to get back upstairs and that she will be there in a munite. I only obey because I was heading up there anyways. I sit on my bed waiting for her to chew me out for telling her off earlier. Funny, when I was little and I would do something wrong, which usually involved getting out of her sight when we were playing outside, I would sit on my bed and cry because I knew what was coming. But this time, I don't feel the slightest bit worried. She climbs up and tries to sit on my bed next to me, but I move to the floor with my back to her. "Katniss, whatever this act is with ignoring me, you need to stop. I know I made a mistake, but you have to believe I was very ill. I know what I put you through was wrong, But you need to quit being a stubborn child and forgive me." I turn to her then, to angry to stay silent. "Forgive you? You really are sick in the head. Nobody in their right mind would forgive you, except Prim because she's 7. We were near death yesterday. It had been two weaks since we had any food. Do you know how hard I tried to get you to wake up! I had to give up ontrying to push you out of bed because I was loosing energy! A few weeks ago, I passed out at school from blood loss because you wouldn't get up to open the door. I had to break the window, and got 13 stitches for a prize. So no, I will not forgive you, because you are lucky I didnt take Prim and I to the comunnity home, and called the peacekeepers to take you to prison." I turn back around, not wanting her to see the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I know I put you through something horrible. But I am your mother, and you will not hold this grudge forever." I'm silent for a while. I can hear her walking over to me, but I dive under my bed and come out on the other side. "Watch me!" I scream as I take off. Instead of going down the ladder, I jump and run for the door, shutting it hard behind me. I run through the medow, unsure of where exactly I'm going because its dark outside. I can hear my mother and Prim screaming my name from te house, but I keep going anyways. I soon reach the one hiding place I have, a small nest hidden by the tree braches of an old oak. I'm sobbing now, so hard that my sides hurt. I lay there crying for about twenty munites until my mother finds me. She reaches for me but I twist away. I try to run again, but this time she catches me in her arms and holds me, tight. "Why can't you just leave me alone!" I scream at her, still sobbing she carries my all the way home. I struggled to get away for half of the way there, but I tire myself out quickly. I guess I fall asleep because the next thing i know, she's tucking me into bed and kissing my forehead, but I don't have the energy to push it away.

I sit up straight in bed, screaming for my father to run. I'm sweating and breathing hard, and judging by the wamth in my bed, I peed too. Great. I get up out of bed and rip the sheets off, which can't really be called sheets anymore because they are paper thin. I have had them as long as I've had this bed, and that's 11 years. I throw the sheets downstairs and grab an extra blanket from under the bed to use as a temorary sheet. I change pajamas, apparntly my mother put me in some before she tucked me in, and crawl back into bed.

I wake up late the next morning, I panic for a second before I remmber that we are off school. Memories of last night come back to me and tears pool in my eyes again. But a flashback of the dandelion is what snaps me back to reality. Last night, when I was eating my dinner, I was thinking back on the hunts i used to go on with my father. Then the Idea hit me. He had many Bow and Arrows hidden in the woods, wrapped in waterproof covers, even one that's my size. I know how to shoot, I've hit a few things before, but I'm going to have to get better if we are going to stay alive. I grab my boots, and they are still stiff because they aren't worn in yet. I dress warmly, even though spring has begun, because it still might rain. The last thing I grab before I leave the house for the day is my fathers old hunting jacket.


	8. Chapter 8

I walk around in the medow for about a half an hour before I become brave enough to go under the fence. Behind the metal gaurds lies my salvation. My father and I used to hunt in the woods together every Sunday. He could shoot anything with his bow and arrow, he never missed. He was beggining to teach me before he died, and the last Sunday we spent together I shot my first squirell. He told me the first step is always the hardest, and that soon we would b feeding the family together. I sure hope he was right, because this is about my only choice right now.

I pick a high tree to climb and wait for game to come by. I swing my mini bow and arrow over my shoulder and begin to climb. By the time I am up, almost ten munites later, my knees, elbows, and hands are scraped from falling and sliding against the bark. I'm up about twenty feet, and if I stay quiet enough, animals should wander by soon. I wait for what feels like forever, and have almost dozed off when I hear a small sound under me. A grey rabbit is chewing on a small bush next to the tree I'm in. I take aim, careful to be extra quiet. Keeping my eyes wide open, I release the arrow. The bunny drops to the ground, dead. I climb down from my tree, but I slip and fall about seven feet to the ground. For a few munites, I feel as if i crushed my lungs. It hurt to take the smallest breath in. My father told me that its called loosing your wind. He was trying to help me breathe after falling from the ladder once. Once I'm able to take a better breath again, I go to my rabbit and carefully disengage the arrow frim its bidy. My father used to hit them in the head, but I'm not close to being as good as he was. I wonder if the fishing poles are still out here, I think. I check our usual hiding spot for them, a large bush next to the creek. I find them. and set both in the dirt with the hooks in the water, and turn to the berry bushes behind me. I collect them in my shirt, considering I forgot to bring a bucket. When I hear a fish pulling the line, I dump the berries onto a big leaf and reel it in. In no time, I have a shirtful of berries, three fish, and a rabbit. I wait until dark to carry the animals home, because poaching is very illigal and I would be shot if I was caught out here. I run through the medow back to my house because Prim and my mother will be worred.

"Where have you been? Prim and I were worried sick! We almost called the peacekeepers to come and find you!" My mother screams at me the moment I walk in the door. In answer, I drop the food on the kitchen table. They both gasp, and my mother dumps the fish in the sink and begins to gut them. As I climb the ladder, I can hear prim grabbing the berries to put them into a bowl. I go upstairs and change my clothes. I slide on some sweats and my fathers old shirt. I come back down to find my mother cooking the fish by the fire and she is teaching Prim to skin a rabbit. "Katniss, you may hunt in the woods, as long as you are VERY careful and ALWAYS tell my when you leave." I don't respond to her, but when i lean back in my chair and my shirt comes up, she gasps. "What is on your stomach!" she says in horror. I look down a myself ad see a giant purple bruise on the left side of my chest from where I fell. "Nothing, I fell in the woods." I reply "Hm. Let me see just hoe badly you fell." she walks over to me, lifts my shirt, and gently rubs her hand over it. It hurts, bad, but I will not give her the satisfaction of being right. she keeps pressing harder and harder, and finally gives up when she realizes I'm not going to crack. We eat our dinner in silence.

At the end of dinner when Prim and I were putting our plates away, she went to crawl into my mom's bed, my mother stops her. "Prim, I love you very much, but you need to go back to sleeping with your sister. You are seven years old, you can't sleep with me forever." she says. Prim looks shocked. "But you just came back. And Katniss falls off the bed and has nightmares. She might pee on me!" she says, starting to get upset. "Hey!" I say to Prim, spraying sink water on her. Our mother laughs, "Why would Katniss pee on you?" "Because ever since dad died she wets the bed at night. And she falls on the floor and screams from nightmares. She told me to sleep with you so she wouldn't hurt me." Prim explains. My cheeks are burning with embarrasment. I feel bad enough about it. I know Prim's just explaining it, But I still feel like a child. "Katniss, is that true?" my mother asks softly. I look up and nod, and my eyes find the floor again. "Well, we will put extra blankets down, and we can build you your own bed soon, okay Prim?" "Fine." my sister says, still bummed. Our mother shoos us off to get ready for bed since we have school in the morning. I change into pajamas, and grab a pillow and blanket to make a bed on the floor for myself. "You don't have to sleep on the floor," Prim says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be mean when I was telling mommy. I just still want to sleep with her sometimes. Its not like I don't want to sleep with you too anymore." "You mean that Prim?" I ask, still rather hurt. "I promise." she replies. I put my pillow back on the bed, and walk over to the other side of the bed to kiss my sister goodnight. Our mother comes up to do the same, Prim lets her, but I hide my head under the covers until I know she's gone. "I promise I won't pee on you tonight." is the last thing I say before I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air.


	9. Chapter 9

Choking on my own air, I sit straight up and begin to cough. Every time I try to take a breath, a raspy sound comes from my throat and my left side aches. I begin to panic. I jump out of bed and run to the window, hoping the fresh air will help, and so will standing. Prim wakes up in a fright, and runs to me. "Katniss, whats wrong?" she asks, very scared. "Mom" is the only word I get out before my knees buckle and I hit the ground. Prim runs downstairs, and I can hear her struggling to wake our mother up. I'm on my hands and knees, gaging from coughing so hard, by the time she's upstairs. "She just started coughing and couldn't breathe. She told me to come get you. Don't let her die mom!" my sister sobs. My mother is at my side with her hands on my chest, slightly pulling around my ribs. "Calm down, its okay, you're gonna be okay. Breathe, Katniss, breathe." Her words calm me down and I get some air in. "In through your nose, out through your mouth." she repeats. Finally, I'm able to take enough in to slowly sit. I feel like I've been running for hours, I'm panting so hard. My mother goes back downstairs for a few munites, then comes back up with something in her hand. "This used to happen to your father because he worked in the mines with all that bad air. He would get into coughing fits and this seemed to help him. All the miners have one for the same reason. I'm assuming whatever happened to your side to cause such a big bruise is what made this happen." She hands me the small blue object in her hand. It has a mouthpiece and a white tube to push on. She shows me how to use it, and after I feel maraculously better. "Keep this inhaler with you for a while, until your lung heals. Now, tell me what happened so I can make sure you don't have any internal bleeding. I stare at her for a moment, not wanting to talk. My voice is a big raspy when I say "I fell out of a tree onto my stomach and couldn't breathe for a few munites. Then I was fine. It hurts still, but worse on the left." She lifts my shirt again and prods my bruise. She is silent for a while, then says "Don't move your upper body too much for a few days. You should feel better soon. Tell me when this stuff happens! You could have died tonight." she scolds. "I could have died a few weeks ago, but you didnt seem to care then." I retort. That's when she goes back to bed.

I sleep horribly the rest of the night. Prim has to drag me out of bed to get to school on time, and I didn't even have time to eat first. We have P.E today, and I'm dreading having to be active. Last night scared me to death, and I really don't want to re-live that any time soon. We start out stretching, and I have to go easy because of what my mother told me. Then we play dodgeball the rest of class. Everything is going okay, I'm just lightly jogging and throwing balls when one hits me right in the ribs, right on my bruise. I fall to the ground, and am there for a while until someone notices I'm not moving. I'm trying to focus on breathing, and I can hear a crowd forming around me. When the teacher asks if I'm okay, I reach into my pocket and hold up my inhaler. He sighs and helps me up, and as I'm walking towards the bench, he says "You should have told me, Everdeen. You could have sat out." I spend the rest of my day moving very slowly, and dealing with everyone staring at me. That I'm used to, though. I've always been very quiet, very small, and rather smart. I've never really had any friends, and usually sit and eat alone. Since my father died, people look at me more now. I guess they feel bad for me, and that just makes me angry. I don't need people to pity me, then I just feel worse about it. And ever since the day I almost bled to death in the office, I can hear my name echo in the hallways more and more. This little incident has made it even worse.

After collecting Prim and heading home, I enter my house to find my mother and someone I've never seen before sitting in the kitchen. My arms immideatly go around Prim and I look at my mom questioningly. "Oh, your home. These are my daughters, Katniss and Primrose. Guys, this is Hadley. She has a cold and can't pay to see the apothocary. They reffeered her to me, and that's why she's here. I want you two to go upstairs and open the window, let some fresh air in. Stay upstairs and don't come down until I say, I don't want you to catch anything, especially you, Katniss." We do as we've been told, and are just finishing a card came when our mother summons us down. " I might be having people come in more often who need medical help. She just paid me 10$ and I'm going to the market for a little while. Have your homework done when I get back."


	10. Chapter 10

I finish my homework in a breeze, just like always. Its kinda nice not being challenged because you never really have to take time, but I also hate it because I would like to work hard sometimes. Prim is very smart, at the top of her class, but she tells my they are learning something new today and she is having trouble. She is in second grade, so she is learning division for the first time. I can understand why she is confused. I get her started, and thats all she really needs to understand. She could still ask our father for help on schoolwork, and I stopped being able to do that in fourth grade because I asked my teacher for harder work. I'm in sixth now, and my teacher won't give me extra cause she's too lazy. Prim is just finishing her work when our mother gets home with a bag of food in her hand. "You already spent the money! You just got paid an hour ago!" I exclaim, very shocked. I thought she would go to the market to get something we needed, like wool or shoelaces, cheap things. We have plenty of food here, I just hunted yesterday! "Relax, Katniss. I will get paid again soon. And I got things we need, too. Not just food." She tells me. I shake my head and walk upstairs, mad at her for wasning the mere 10$ we had an hour ago.

I put down some extra blankets on my side of the bed, just in case. Tommorow, when I'm feeling better, I will start making Prim a bed. Its not that I don't want her sleeping with me, she just deserves her own space. I go back downstairs to wash some clothes, but my mother is already doing it. This makes me angry. I can do them myself! I did them for a month while she was "ill" and I will continue doing them. I walk up to her and grab the bucket. "I can do it myself." I say, rather harshly. "I can. Its no problem." She counters, trying hard to be nice and grabbing the bucket back. "But see, here's the thing. I don't want you totching my stuff. Its mine, and I get to wash them." I say. I reach for the pail again, but this time she turns it away. "The sooner you give up this stupid attitude and let me do things for you, you may have your laundry back." she scolds. My face turns red in anger and I throw the clothes in her face. "Fine, wash them. Just don't get whatever sickness you had on them." I yell as I stalk back upstairs, getting into bed and throwing the covers over my head. I shove a blanket in my mouth and scream, loud and long, and out of anger. Why can't she just leave me alone and do my own thing. She dosen't have to toutch my stuff. I think I scream myself to sleep tonight.

I wake up to Prim shaking me. "Katniss," she says tiredly,"I'm all wet." Great. I get up and start to change the blankets, but they are dry. My upper body is soaked to the bone and my lower is damp, and the top blanket is drenched too. Then I hear the clap of thunder and know. I look up to the ceiiling and find my face splttered in rain drops. The leak in our roof has become a small hole, and its soaking us in our sleep. "Lets try and move the bed out of the way." I tell her, but its no use, the frame is way to heavy. "We can just sleep with mommy for the night." Prim says, and walks downstairs. I grab a dry blanket and follow her. "Mommy, can we sleep with you, the leak in the roof made us all wet." my sister asks. "Mmmhhhmm." our mom responds sleepily. Prim crawls in, but I wrap the blanket around me and curl up under the bed. I don't particularly enjoy thunderstorms, the kinda scare me. My dad used to hold me and calm me down whenever one would happen, but nobody is here under the bed to do it. So I let my tears of fear and lonelieness roll down my cheeks and I cry myself back to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The sun is shining through a crack in the beams under my mothes bed. I can hear her in the kitchen making breakfast, and the creaky floorboards of Prim getting dressed upstairs. My clothes are still slightly wet fom the storm last night, but my back is sore from spending the night on the floor. "That was where you were all night? There was plenty of room in the bed." My mother says when I cawl out. I ignore her, as usual, and head upstairs to get dressd. Prim is brushing her long blonde hair when I enter the room, and the first thing I do is kiss her. "Morning Prim. Did you sleep okay the rest of the night?" I ask "Yes, I was still a little wet when I woke up, but I slept fine. You?" "Same." I reply. I rip the covers off of the bed and hang them to dry outside, then I get dressed, grab the last piece of bread for my sister and I to share, and its off to school.

Prim looks very pale when I drop her off at her classroom, and it worries me. I shake it off as I walk to mine, and take my seat just as the bell rings. Today we are discussing by-coal products for the morning lesson. Except for math and reading, coal is pretty much all we talk about. I wonder if its the same in the other districts too, if they learn about what their district represents all day. Its probably more interesting than what we teach. Our teacher reminds us about the field trip to the mines next monday, and explains what to look for while there. My stomach drops when she mentions this. Why would I want to go into a deep, dark hole in the ground where my father was blown to bits? I can feel myself panicing just thinking about it. Maybe I can get out of it, I think. Surely my mother won't want me down there either. We do this every year, and before it was just uncomfortable and clostrophobic, but I've been dreading this field trip ever since he died. I force myself to calm down and to not have mental breakdown in the middle of class, but the rest of the day is spend dwelling on it.

When I walk into Prim's class to pick her up, her teacher approaches me. "Hi, is there a problem?" I ask rather worried. My teachers used to do this with my parents when they would pick me up from school whenever I did something bad. It usually meant I wasn't paying attenntion or was late to class, or I was getting picked on. That was the main one. "Yes. Your sister has been showing symtoms of the common flu today. I suggest you keep her home tomorrow and in bed over the weekend. If she is still feeling ill after the weekend, she will have to miss the field trip on Monday. I don't want her to get anyone else sick." She explains to me. I look over at Prim and see her head on her desk and her eyes on me. I walk over to her and feel her forehead, "You're burning up. C'mon, lets go home." I pick her up, careful to carry her on my right side, and head for home.

Prim's eyes are glazed over from fever when I lay her in my bed. Our mother is making medicine for her downstairs. She threw up on me on the walk home, and there is a bucket beside the bed for that reason. The blankets are dry outside, so I run and get them because she is shivering with just a sheet. I tuck her in nice and snug just as our mother comes up with the medicine. She shoves a spoon in her mouth, and gives her some sleep syrup. Then she sits at the end of the bed, waiting for my sister to fall asleep. "No, I want Katniss." she says tiredly. Our mother kisses her goodnight and heads back donstairs. "Will you sing?" she asks me. I haven't sung since our father died. I'm about to decline, but Prim's face makes me rethink. I decide on her favorite lullaby she liked to hear as a baby, and begin.

Deep in the medow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes

And when again they open, the sun will rise

Here its safe, here its warm

Here the daisies gaurd you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you

By the first verse she is asleep. I kiss her forehead, and change out of my school clothes into hunting clothes, and kiss her once more before I leave. I start to walk out but my mother catches me. "What did I tell you?" "I'm leaving, I'll be be back soon." I say, overly sweet. "Don't talk to me that way. I'm only trying to keep you safe." she says at my back as I head for the medow.


	12. Chapter 12

I try to make Prim eat the katniss plant I collected while hunting today, but she pushes it away, saying she dosen't want to throw up anymore. Its Sunday night, and she has eaten a total of four things over the weekend, and each has come back up. The only thing we can get her to drink is water, and all she wants to do is sleep and for me to sing to her. I'm statrting to feel sick now as well, and I try to tell my mother. "You are just trying to get out of that field trip. You need to face your fears, how bad can it be, really?" I have been sucking up to her for the past few days, but she is adament that I go. Now I actually am feeling sick, and she still isn't listening to me. I sleep in the same bed as Prim, and am by her side every moment that I'm not hunting, why would't I have caught it? I go to sleep hoping that I die so I won't have to go to school tomorrow. I haven't used my inhaler, I'm even risking another coughing attack rather then go down in those mines. I have nightmare after nightmare and wet the bed twice before my mother shoves me out the door to school.

I walk extra slow today, hoping they will leave without me, but I make it just in time. I am feeling very queasy on the walk there, and my teacher has to force me into the elavator that goes down, down, down deep into the earth's core. I stand against the back wall of the metal box, trying not to throw up. It dosen't work, and my breakfast gets all over my classmates' shoes. My teacher gets very angry and tells me off for not staying home. I try to explain myself, that my father died down here, my mother forced me to go to school, but she won't give me the chance to talk. We are still in this stupid elevator, and its closing in on me by the minute. I crawl into the corner, and everyone is staring at my as I curl into a ball and sob. When the doors finally open and my teacher is trying to pull me out, I refuse to get up. I'm so angry, sad and hysterical that if she lays her hand on me one more time I swear, CHOMP! My jaw goes down on her hand that's grasping my arm. She yelps and pulls her hand away in pain. I guess she leaves because I'm not bothred again. I probably sit here for three hours, only moving to throw up. I'm freezing down here, even in my heavy jacket. Its probably part fever, but most of it is me being scared to death, the shaking viloently. The tour finally ends and we are going back up.

I am sitting in the princapls office, waiting for my mother to come and get me. I have a bowl in my lap and a blanket around me, but I'm still shaking. And crying too, that hasen't stopped either. She finally arrives, carrying Prim. The peacekeepers went to my house to inform her that I had a breakdown in the mines and phsically injured my teacher, who is seeing the nurse for her bite wound. To be honest, I don't really remember what happened. I recall puking, crying, and vaugly biting my teacher, but thats all. And now I'm in huge trouble.

"Katniss!" my mother shrikes when she sees me, covered in puke with tears rolling down my cheeks. I actually hug her, but only because I need some sort of comfort right now. Still in her arms, she asks my principal "What happened?" Just then my teacher walks in with a bandage on her hand, nods at my mom, and begins her side of the story. "She arrived late to class, and stayed in the back of the line the whole way there. I had to force her, grab her arms and pull her, into the elevator. She then threw up all over two students. I calmly asked her why didn't she stay home. She kept giving random excuses and lies, so I ignored her petty stories. That's when she curled into a ball and the crying began. By the time the elevator stopped and it was time to get out, I was nicely asking her to get up, and she wouldn't. I layed my hand softly on her arm, and she bit me!" she finishes. I'm enraged. Half of that story was a lie! She made me sound like some crazy kid. Its not my fault I'm sick. My mother and even Prim, who is stitting in the chair I was in before I ended up in my mom's lap, are staring at me in disbelief. "Is that true, did you bite your teacher?" Mother asks. I nod, and bury my face in her chest. The principal adresses me now. "I hope you realize just how much trouble you are in, Miss Everdeen. You will be suspended for the rest of the week, and you owe your teacher and classmates a huge apology." I won't look at my teacher. She lied to my mother and the principal. She dosen't deserve my apology.

I get carried home. Prim is feeling good enough to walk now, and even ate lunch today. She will take tomorrow off, just to be safe though. When we get home I tell my mother the real story, and she believes me. She says she is sorry for making me go, and that she should have listened. I am still very angry at her for forcing me to go, but I decide that I will let her toutch me and give me medicine and sing to me, just for tonight. I miss the comfort of this full time, but enjoy it while it lasts. I throw up continuously throughout the evening, and the sleep syrup is welcomed, along with fever pills. The shaking has stopped, but tears continue to run down my face, even as my mother sings me to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Everyone stares at me as I walk through the halls this morning. Its my first day back at school since I was suspended, and everyone finds some reason to sit near me and find out why I've been gone for 2 weeks. The first few people who come near me, I am kind to because they don't ask questions. but by the time half of my class has been within 5 feet from me, I'm trying my best to avoid everyone. I really don't have any friends at school and I don't talk much, except to answer direct questions. I see Gale a few times, but since he's 2 grades ahead of me we don't have any classes together or lunch. By the end of the day I'm worn out and just telling myself that tomorow will be better, even though I know its not. Maybe I can get suspended again. I'm collecting Prim from her class and starting the long walk home when I bump into a boy with blonde hair. I turn to apologize when i see his face and stop. Its the boy who threw my bread a few weeks ago. He looks shocked to see me too, and I start to say excuse me when he studders, like he's about to say something. But I guess he decides against it because he just clears his throat and walks away, but not before I see his face turn crimson. As we start walking again, Prim takes my hand in her's and asks "Who was that?" "Umm" I try to explain, but its usless without telling the story. She will understand. Besides, I tell Prim everything. I spill everything about the last month. All the details of my day at the nurses, the bread story, having to sit out in gym because I couldn't breathe, and everything in between. When I finally finish, she looks at me and says, very simply, "You should thank him. Or at least talk to him." I scoff, because the idea is insane. "Please. You saw the way he acted when I bumped into him. He couldn't even look at me, let alone talk. Besides, I'd be way too embarrased to confront him." She leaves it at that, even though I know she has more to say. We arrive home and find our mother out in the garden. Prim runs to her for a hug and to talk all about her day. I should go change out of my school uniform and into hunting clothes, but I'm so exhausted I just go upstairs and flop onto bed. I'm almost asleep when my mother comes upstairs to ask how my day was. All i say is "Horrible. I don't want to talk about it." This shuts her up, and she walks back downstairs.

I finally pulled myself out of bed because I knew I needed to get dinner, and that Gale wouild woder where I was. I found him picking berries, and thats where we are sitting now. He tells me that I was the talk of the school today and that his teacher thinks I should be put in the comunnity home. That just makes me laugh. We catch a few squirrels and three rabbits, and even end up with a couple fish as well. We split things half and half, and what's leftover we take to the Hob to trade. Gale offers to carry the heavy stuff, since I can barely lift 50 pounds, and we make our way to the black market before it gets dark. We trade two of the squirrels for rice, one rabbit for new buttons for Prim's favorite shirt, and a fish for a strip of meat for the way home. Gale and I have just enough berries to share a small bowl of tomato soup from a woman named Greasy Sae. My father used to sell her wild dog, so she already knows me. She points out one of her grandchildren to me, a small girl wandering through the wherehouse mumbling to herself. She explains that she's not quite right in the head, so pay no attention to her strange attributes. I see people throwing scraps of food at her, and it almost seems as though she as a pet. Seems raher rude to me, but its none of my business, so Gale and I finish our soup and leave.

I arrive home to find my mother and Prim in bed and a plate of food waiting for me on the table. Guess they were tired too. As soon as I'm done eating I head upsairs and immideatly crash. The next thing I know its morning and Prim and my mother are singing. This is a rarety since my father died, and even then he and I were the musical ones. I sit up when I clearly hear the last lines of the song, "Happy Birthday to you!" I had completley forgotten. Prim jumps onto the bed and gives me a huge hug. "Happy birthday Katniss!" I blush, not used to the extra attention. "Thanks Prim." I say and give her a kiss. My mother tries to hug me too, but I catch her hand and allow her to give me a high-five. I change into my school uniform and head downstairs to find a piece of toast waiting for me. We hardly ever get decent bread, if any. Its usually the tessera grain. And that's when I remember. I jump up from my chair and yell, "The tessera! I'm 12 now, I can get it!" My mother turns white and Prim looks at me in shock. "No Katniss! You can't! Its just a little extra food, we don't need it! Please!" She begs. "Prim I have to. We need that grain and oil, we'll die without it. I'll be fine, its only my fist year. I'll only be entered 5 times, and there are thousands of others." This still dosen't soothe her. She runs to me an engulfs me in a crushing hug. I sit back down in my chair and she crawls onto my lap with her head on my shoulder, just like she used to sit with our father. We both used to, one on each side, and he would bounce us on his legs. This is how I held her when she was a baby, when they would give her to me because I was the only one who could get her to calm down sometimes. I rub her back soothingly as she lays there, and I take tiny bites of my toast when I can. Soon its time to go to school, and before we leave my mother corners me and embraces me. I try to squirm out of it but she has me trapped. Then she wispers in my ear, "I Know you hate me, but I do love you. Happy birthday." She finishes with a kiss on the cheek, and I grab Prim's hand and walk out without a word.


	14. Chapter 14

I'm pearched in a high tree, so close to the birds nest. Just an arms length away are three robbins eggs, and I want them for breakfast tomorrow. I'm probably thirty feet up, maybe more, and streaching as far as I can without falling. Gale is cheering me on below, standing in a position to catch me if I fall. My fingers finally close around the blue oblong shells and I slide them into a safe pocket, already lined with grass and fur. I climb down slowly, careful not to bump any branches, and gracefully drop to the ground. I hand Gale his single egg, his share since I'm the one who got them. The sun is just setting below the horizon, and I'm already a little late home. We decide to skip the trip to the Hob, because I don't want to get into trouble, and are splitting the food evenly when the hum of the electric fence registers. We stop dead in our tracks, and run back into the woods. Once we are behind a log that is invisible to the people of the district, we speak in hushed voices. "Has this ever happened to you before?" I ask. "No, I always thought it was dead. I've never even checked to see if its on or off!" He replies, suprised. "This happened to my father a couple times, and he always warned me to listen for the hum of electricity, but this is the first time its happened to me." We are both silent for a while when Gale asks "How long are we gonna be stuck out here? My Mother is going to get worried." "Mine too. My dad was never stuck out here for more than an hour." I answer, but I'm just as nervous as he is. We wait another half an hour before checking the fence again, but its still on. Its well after dark by now, and I can barely see Gale standing beside me. That's when I get the idea. "Follow me, and be really quiet." We walk out of the trees and into the open, where if it was light, everyone could see us. We approach the metal wiring again, but this one is twenty feet from my house. I hardly use this one, because if I get caught coming out of my house and going under the fence, people are going to know I live here. So I use a different entrance. I can see the dim glow of the lanterns in my house, and the siloette of Prim brushing her hair upstairs. I don't dare yell, hoping they will hear me, because I know others will too. At our feet are some small stones, and Gale can probably hit the upstairs window while I try for the downstairs one. I hand him a few rocks and he gets the picture immidiatly. I have a few hits on my window when I hear the upper one slide open. I look up at my little sister and whisper "Prim, its me. The fence is turned on and I'm stuck out here. Go downstairs and tell mom." She nods and closes the window. A few moments later my mother is looking out the lower one at me. She eyes Gale suspiciously when I realize I haven't even told them who he is. That will be an adventure. We wait about an hour more before the fence turns off. "See you after school, Catnip." Gale says as he walks toward his home.

While I'm dishing up for a very late dinner, mom brings up the topic of Gale. "Katniss, who was that boy with you in the woods?" I take a large bite of food, so I can think about what to say to her. I chew slowly, and she gets more annoyed every second. I finally swallow and say "Just a friend. I met him a few weeks ago." "How old is this "Friend" of your's?" She asks suspiciously. "He's fourteen." She is silent for a while. "Just be careful out there with him. You never know who you may meet." This just makes me angry. "He goes to school with me. His father died in the same mine explosion that dad died in. He has two brothers under eight years old and a baby sister. His mom washes clothes and cleans houses for a living. How dare you critisize him? He's doing the exact same thing I am, and at least his mom didn't sit in bed for a month leaving her kids to die!" I shout at her. But I won't leave the table. I will sit here and finish the food I worked my butt off to get. Prim puts her hands on her face and our mother just looks at me, mouth half open. She composes herself and points up to the loft. I glare back at her and don't move. "Now." She says. "Now!" Even louder that time. Prim's head is on the table and my mothers eyes are hard as stone. I've never seen her like this. I keep eating, but don't break eye contact with her. My challenge is met when she stands up and grabs my plate off the table. "Give it back!" I scream "I got the food, I get to eat it!" She puts it on the counter and yells to get upstairs again. "I don't have to listen to you! I took care of us for a long time! You owe me now!" I can feel myself getting louder and louder, and my face getting redder and redder. Thats when I hear Prim cying.

I run to her chair, immidiatly feeling guilty. "Prim its okay. Its not your fault, I didn't mean to yell." I say, trying to comfort her. I hug her tight, trying not to cry myself. I can feel my stomach drop and the lump in my thoat that happens to me when she gets upset. "Stop yelling at mommy. Please!" She sobs. This breaks my heart. I should have known not to do this in front of her. She used to get upset when I would get into trouble as a child, cried when I did before she could even talk. Why would she not feel the same way about our mother. "Okay. I'm sorry. I just got really upset. It won't happen again, I promise. We are going to talk upstairs, just stay down here, okay?" She nods, and I kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room. My fists are in balls and I'm shaking by the time my mother enters the room. She tries to pat me on the back but I move away just in time. "Don't touch me." I wisper, not wanting my sister to hear us. "Don't tallk to me like that again. I'm only trying to protect you. You are eleven years old Katniss! You can't take care of yourself, at least not entierly." "I can take care of all of us, but you wouldn't know that because you were practically in a coma while it was happening!" "I know you are upset about that okay, I feel horrible too. But as long as you treat me with some degree of respect, I will leave you alone. Finish your dinner and get to bed, school starts for you tomorrow"

I'm laying in bed with Prim, running my fingers through her long blonde hair. She is holding the small stuffed dog that I have had since I was four, when our father got it for my birthday. Prim wasn't even born yet. "Has mom ever gotten that mad at you before?" she asks. "No." I answer. She got pretty mad at me once when I was little, though." "Tell me the story." Prim asks, turning to look at me. Normally I wouldn't, but I put her through alot tonight, so I think she deserves that. It was right after Prim was born. My dad was gone hunting in the woods, and her and mom were asleep, and I was really bored. I remembered dad telling me that I could go hunting with him anytime I wanted to, and that he'd love to take me. So, I put on my shoes and a jacket, and I left. I had been in the woods with him a couple times, but it was really foggy that day and I lost my sense of direction. I was calling for him, but he was way too far to hear me. I stumbled around for a while trying to find him, and I counldn't even find my way home when I tried. It started to rain, and I hid under a tree all day long. It was almost dark when I heard him walking. I got out of my hiding spot and was screaming for him. I finally ran into him and he grabbed me and said "Katniss, what are you doing out here all alone?" "I came looking for you, you said I could come with you anytime, but I couldn't find you. I tried to go back home but I got lost." I explained. "Does mommy know where you are?" He asked, really worried. I shook my head, and he picked me up and we ran all the way home. When we came in the door my mother ran to me, gave Prim to my father, and hugged me really tight. "Where were you!" She shouted as she shook my arms, tears running down her face. "Your soaked to the bone!" She took m upstairs and I changed into my pajamas and layed in my bed surrounded by blankets. I was clutching my stuffed dog as my mother scolded me. I was sobbing because I had never seen her so angry or scared before. My dad just stood in the doorway holding Prim. I was crying so hard I threw up, and that's when my dad stepped in. He was much softer about it. He explained that it wasn't safe for me to be in the woods all alone and I needed to ask him to come with, and I always had to tell my mother where I was going. I fell asleep on his lap and I didn't talk at all the next day, and wouldn't eat or come out of my bed because I was ashamed of myself. My mother apologized for yelling at me, but I still didn't talk for the next few days, and since then, I was more comfortbale with my father than with my mother. Prim is suprised at my story, and wishes she had heard it before. She falls asleep in my arms, and I cry myself to sleep thinking of my father.


	15. Chapter 15

Everyone stares at me as I walk through the halls this morning. Its my first day back at school since I was suspended, and everyone finds some reason to sit near me and find out why I've been gone for 2 weeks. The first few people who come near me, I am kind to because they don't ask questions. but by the time half of my class has been within 5 feet from me, I'm trying my best to avoid everyone. I really don't have any friends at school and I don't talk much, except to answer direct questions. I see Gale a few times, but since he's 2 grades ahead of me we don't have any classes together or lunch. By the end of the day I'm worn out and just telling myself that tomorow will be better, even though I know its not. Maybe I can get suspended again. I'm collecting Prim from her class and starting the long walk home when I bump into a boy with blonde hair. I turn to apologize when i see his face and stop. Its the boy who threw my bread a few weeks ago. He looks shocked to see me too, and I start to say excuse me when he studders, like he's about to say something. But I guess he decides against it because he just clears his throat and walks away, but not before I see his face turn crimson. As we start walking again, Prim takes my hand in her's and asks "Who was that?" "Umm" I try to explain, but its usless without telling the story. She will understand. Besides, I tell Prim everything. I spill everything about the last month. All the details of my day at the nurses, the bread story, having to sit out in gym because I couldn't breathe, and everything in between. When I finally finish, she looks at me and says, very simply, "You should thank him. Or at least talk to him." I scoff, because the idea is insane. "Please. You saw the way he acted when I bumped into him. He couldn't even look at me, let alone talk. Besides, I'd be way too embarrased to confront him." She leaves it at that, even though I know she has more to say. We arrive home and find our mother out in the garden. Prim runs to her for a hug and to talk all about her day. I should go change out of my school uniform and into hunting clothes, but I'm so exhausted I just go upstairs and flop onto bed. I'm almost asleep when my mother comes upstairs to ask how my day was. All i say is "Horrible. I don't want to talk about it." This shuts her up, and she walks back downstairs.

I finally pulled myself out of bed because I knew I needed to get dinner, and that Gale wouild woder where I was. I found him picking berries, and thats where we are sitting now. He tells me that I was the talk of the school today and that his teacher thinks I should be put in the comunnity home. That just makes me laugh. We catch a few squirrels and three rabbits, and even end up with a couple fish as well. We split things half and half, and what's leftover we take to the Hob to trade. Gale offers to carry the heavy stuff, since I can barely lift 50 pounds, and we make our way to the black market before it gets dark. We trade two of the squirrels for rice, one rabbit for new buttons for Prim's favorite shirt, and a fish for a strip of meat for the way home. Gale and I have just enough berries to share a small bowl of tomato soup from a woman named Greasy Sae. My father used to sell her wild dog, so she already knows me. She points out one of her grandchildren to me, a small girl wandering through the wherehouse mumbling to herself. She explains that she's not quite right in the head, so pay no attention to her strange attributes. I see people throwing scraps of food at her, and it almost seems as though she as a pet. Seems raher rude to me, but its none of my business, so Gale and I finish our soup and leave.

I arrive home to find my mother and Prim in bed and a plate of food waiting for me on the table. Guess they were tired too. As soon as I'm done eating I head upsairs and immideatly crash. The next thing I know its morning and Prim and my mother are singing. This is a rarety since my father died, and even then he and I were the musical ones. I sit up when I clearly hear the last lines of the song, "Happy Birthday to you!" I had completley forgotten. Prim jumps onto the bed and gives me a huge hug. "Happy birthday Katniss!" I blush, not used to the extra attention. "Thanks Prim." I say and give her a kiss. My mother tries to hug me too, but I catch her hand and allow her to give me a high-five. I change into my school uniform and head downstairs to find a piece of toast waiting for me. We hardly ever get decent bread, if any. Its usually the tessera grain. And that's when I remember. I jump up from my chair and yell, "The tessera! I'm 12 now, I can get it!" My mother turns white and Prim looks at me in shock. "No Katniss! You can't! Its just a little extra food, we don't need it! Please!" She begs. "Prim I have to. We need that grain and oil, we'll die without it. I'll be fine, its only my fist year. I'll only be entered 5 times, and there are thousands of others." This still dosen't soothe her. She runs to me an engulfs me in a crushing hug. I sit back down in my chair and she crawls onto my lap with her head on my shoulder, just like she used to sit with our father. We both used to, one on each side, and he would bounce us on his legs. This is how I held her when she was a baby, when they would give her to me because I was the only one who could get her to calm down sometimes. I rub her back soothingly as she lays there, and I take tiny bites of my toast when I can. Soon its time to go to school, and before we leave my mother corners me and embraces me. I try to squirm out of it but she has me trapped. Then she wispers in my ear, "I know you hate me, but I do love you. Happy birthday." She finishes with a kiss on the cheek, and I grab Prim's hand and walk out without a word.

I have to walk my sister to her desk instead of her door because she won't let go of my hand. I can hear her calling my name as I leave and the beggining of a cry when the door shuts. All of my impulses tell me to go back in, to comfort her and never let her go. To protect her. I try my hardest to keep her safe and happy, but sometimes I just can't. And it fills me with so much pain and guilt I want to scream. But I just walk to class instead. Long, boring lessons, and I get in trouble for not paying attention multiple times, and I finally say to my teacher, "Maybe I would pay attention if you were actually teaching me something that I don't already know." This gets me sent out of the room until lunch. I reach into my backpack to do some homework and find that Prim has left a note for me. Another birthday wish, and a sandwitch as well. I usually don't eat at school, we never have enough food, so this is a treat. I finish the homework fast, as usual, and still have an hour before I can go back to class. I'm thinking about going home, but I will just get into more trouble. So I just end up falling asleep and am woken up when the kids are trampling me to get to lunch.

When the day is finally over, I go to get Prim. I ask her teacher how her day was, and she claims that she was emotional for a few hours, but was fine by the end of the day. She clings to me again as we walk home, so I just carry her because my hand cramps up from the squeezing. I take her back home, where our mother is napping. I find our old toy wagon under my bed and grab Prim's hand, and its off to get my tessera. But before I stop at the justice building to do so, Prim drags me to the bakery to see a cake that caught her eye. "Isn't it pretty? I wish we could have it!" She tells me longingly. They are pretty, and I've never tasted cake before. I look in the window deeper into the actual bakery, and again find the boy with blue eyes and light hair staring at me, this time he dosen't drop his gaze, and his eyes actually widen. That's when someone bumps me from behind. I turn around and see the bakers wife, the woman who told me to get out of her garbage can. "Can I help you with something?" She says in a rude tone. She glares down at Prim and me, and I can feel my sister slide behind me. "N-no, we were just looking." I say. She glowers down at us and says, "Buy or leave." And walks back inside. Before we leave, I look inside one last time to find the boy still watching me.

We walk to the Justice Building in silence, but Prim's grip on my hand gets tighter and tighter the closer we get. The woman at the front desk tells us that tesserae sign in is on the 4th floor, and to take the elevator. The thing smell horrible and moves at 2 miles per hour. Its nasty. We are gasping for breath by the time we finally get there, and there is a man sitting in a plush red chair. "Are you here for tesserae?" he asks in a capitol accent. I nod, and he leads me over to a table. "How many family members do you have?" he asks. "Three. My sister, my mother, and me." I tell him. "Sign your name in very careful handwriting on 4 slips of paper. Fold them in half, and put them in the glass bowl. After you are done, I will give you the grain and oil." I walk over to the paper and write Katniss Everdeen carefully on each piece. He fills up our toy wagon and escorts s back to the elevator. It takes 30 minutes to get home because the wagon is heavy to pull, and when we finally get back we both slump into the kitchen chairs, very tired from this day.


End file.
